Turn Back the Clock

Back to when we played chess every day after school.

Back to when we prepared our dance item for Christmas and Easter and Easter again.

Back to when we had popcorn prayer for 45 minutes straight and free worship, 1.5h.

Back to when every time after our usher duties were over we’d sit at the round blue tables to joke and talk and have a good time.

Back to when Downtown East haven’t yet renovated.

Back to when texting her was an every day activity, blessing each other with encouragements every morning.

Back to when Project Logos worked out for a while.

Back to when I had a whale of a time doing work and helping my schoolmates with their work.

Back to when I’d help out at SFC every week, post-graduation.

Back to when we walk home every week fellowshipping without fail.

Back to when we biked in the rain.

Back to when we went to watch the Christmas Wonderland lights.

Back to when we studied overnight.

“These people raised me and I can’t wait to go home.” —Ed Sheeran

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Benefit of Doubt


Cambridge defines the phrase as “believing someone even though I am not sure that what he/she is saying is true”.

In recent days this has really helped me forgive people and myself for failing to meet expectations due to double standard reasons. Today, many of my friends were supposed to go cross country, meaning the rest of the day they will spend relaxing. However, it got cancelled, meaning that today is a free day. I jioed them to go biking, and I used a PM Duty Off for it. Everyone else had other plans to study. But wait a minute—shouldn’t today be a free day?

I guess when they learnt the news they switched gears and replaced plans to relax with plans to study. How true this is is beyond me, since I personally feel they simply don’t prioritize one another to be intentional or available. Yet, I’m deciding to give them the benefit of doubt, by assuming they are true, even though the inner skeptic in me has more plausible theories otherwise. I hope they give me the benefit of doubt in this area too, especially when I turn against my own words.

In doing so, I definitely feel happier, even if it means taking the words of others less seriously and holding them less accountable to them. I’m less suspicious of others and way less miserable. I’m still going to enjoy my afternoon off for biking, so that hopefully will turn out well too.

Another incident was the document crisis. On Friday my big boss called and asked me the whereabouts of a missing classified document that he personally passed me. Either I took the document and passed it to Registry, or shredded it by accident. I didn’t remember the former, but I did remember shredding something. Thus, I’m screwed. Big time. On Monday I told my immediate boss what happened, and as we tried to backtrack the series of events, the PA came in and found the document lying on my big boss’ tray.

I really should have given myself the benefit of doubt to realise a plausible third option—my big boss actually holding on to the classified document and settling it on his own, actually forgetting that he was holding it.

Therefore, one way to be happier on oneself is to give benefit of doubt—to self and others. Love keeps no records of wrongs, so pray along with me to grow in this area, to forgive and have the boldness to forget.

—Joel Kindiak, 1 March 2017, 1234H

Perfectly-Timed Weekend

Woohoo it’s been a few weeks since I last blogged. What happened the last weekend was so awesome but I didn’t really have the free time to share about it, except maybe briefly on Instagram in the form of two Instaworthy photos. The descriptions were concise but not complete, so let me complete them here.

Last Friday, my lovely superiors decided to leave the office early and let me off early too. How awesome! I had a free night out! How should I spend it? I felt a prompting to go to SA, and I thought it wasn’t a bad idea. So I went home, changed out and brought my laptop and workbooks to SA to do some work. I was still wondering, why? Will I meet people whom I can help in Math? Will I meet my then-close friends who, due to work or whatever reason, are less available?  All I know is that God was going to do something awesome through my obeying Him to go to SA.

Well…nothing happened at SA per se. At 8pm, I saw my ex-cellmate was about to perform at NLB in Bugis, so I thought, “Why not travel down there? The performance starts at 9pm and I might be able to make it.’ I packed my bag and travelled via Singapore’s efficient MRT system to the library, only to realise that the ticket office was closed and I couldn’t enter the theatre. Oh well. I tried. But then again, it has been a while since I went to NLB, so why not go there the next day? I don’t have cell in the afternoon, so it’s a good time to do some work. So that was the plan for the next day. For the rest of the night, I wasted time, travelled to Popeye’s at 313 Somerset and went home and rest.

For the past week, I’ve been reading many #ignytereflections, as my friend from Trinity Christian Centre has recommended I do while I’m bored surfing Instagram. And I must say, I have been incredibly encouraged that so many young people have a heart to follow Jesus. Yes, we aren’t perfect, and we all struggle, to either a greater or lesser extent. Yet, I saw hearts that longed to spend time to Jesus, even though, as the saying goes, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Thus, I decided to visit TCC on Sunday. I suggested this to my close friend and she said “why not?” as it’s the first time she visit another church’s youth service.

The next day, I went to the library as planned and sat down to do my work. I started work, wondering if there were people I know there. Turns out, there were people who knew about me there, and when my junior told me that I thought that was cool. A few moments later I got a tap on my back, and a familiar face appeared-my godsis’.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m doing work haha.”

“I might need your help with Math.”

And instead of staying at my seat, my godsis, her friend and I went to the airconditioned area outside the studying area, sat there, and started learning about solving differential equations. It was divine. If I never went to SA, I wouldn’t have ended up here, just in time to help my godsis with her Math. She was getting stressed about it since she didn’t have confidence in her Math, but God is so good and His timing is so perfect that I was able to help. In the end, I went to visit her church, Grace AG, and carried on with work later on. We had amazing moments of fellowship that I cherish dearly. We agreed to meet on the next day to carry on with work. The weekend wasn’t over.


My close friend and I met and travelled to TCC together, and we were both very encouraged by the service. The youth pastor preached powerfully and specifically, targeting specific heart issues that many of us related to. We left during the response time, and having read more reflections later in the day, I kind of regretted doing so. We probably missed out on the powerful work God did during the altar call response, and perhaps it was a bit of a shame. These young people really have a heart to follow Christ, even though they struggle a lot. They still choose Christ. That’s awesome!


Nonetheless, we still had an awesome fellowship catch up. In recent times, I see that God have temporarily closed the door for some friendships and opened previously closed ones for others. God’s perfect timing is awesome, and I am being built up every bit of the way. I believe that God knows what He is doing and I can and will totally trust Him to give me the best of blessings in the best of time.

I then went to my godsis’ house and we did more work and started partying to some awesome black music (e.g. “Risen” i.e. “The same power that crushed the enemy lives in me…”). She and her parents decided to sponsor my Uber ride home instead of a long yet lazy MRT ride from Tampines to Clementi. Thanks for the ride!

In sum, this weekend such a good, yet small, picture of God’s good timing. On Friday, I obeyed although seemingly for no reason, and on Saturday God revealed why. 

God will always bring the right people into our lives at the right time for the right blessing. His perfect timing is reliable!

8 Digits

All but a blur.

Phone numbers that receive my daily verses but have otherwise no bearing on my life.

Phone numbers of Whatsapp groupmates that have otherwise no bearing on my life.

Phone numbers of precious people in time past who now have practically no bearing on my life.

8 digits. Nothing more.

Facade

How many a time did we fake a front in front of others?

The fact is, it is so easy to do so, because it’s the easy way out. And sometimes justified. Given a 5-minute conversation, I can’t possibly detail every struggle I am facing there and then, so I briefly reply with an ‘all is well’ and touch on a few updates on my life before moving on. Yet usually it’s easy because it’s so much nicer to say ‘I’m alright’ than actually delve into the messiness that we get ourselves into.

Truth be told, I have been guilty of such. Many of my juniors view me as a big-brother figure. That means that when I do interact them I ensure high energy, even if I am struggling big time in my thought life. I struggle to be vulnerable to anyone but the closest, and the names who get to hear them aren’t set in stone. This is part of my trust issues, but if I’m not vulnerable when I am, that’s being a facade.

How often do we do that?

Spiritually, I ask this: how often do we put a facade before God?

How often do we mask our spiritual failures with Christianese antics to impress our fellow churchmates when we are in service or cell? Again, it’s so easy to play Christian on Sundays and go back to normal on Monday through Friday, rather than be real with our flaws and find support and help to overcome them. Even in our relationship with God, how many a time do we fake happiness when in reality we are torn?

It’s okay to break down in God’s presence. It’s okay to feel shit. It’s okay to be real.

Not just God, but with people too. Every day I continue to learn that.

Let’s stop being lying hypocrites, to whatever degree that applies to us. Take off that facade. Be real.

-Joel Kindiak, 12 Feb 2017, 1849H

Brutal Slashing

Of people out of my life.

Every once in a while, I’ll take a look at my contacts list and start slashing names out, swiping and selecting the red ‘Delete’ button.

The weird thing is recently some contacts I smashed out have been interacting a bit more frequently, so perhaps it’s a better idea to keep them just in case.

But yeah I get brutal.

Pretty brutal.

Christ-centered Writing


I always love a good Christ-centered read.

When you read John Piper, talking about how Christ is glorified in every area of life, the good, the bad and the ugly, you can sense His passion for Christ brim through his words.

When you read Joseph Prince’s daily devotional magnifying the unmerited favor of God on us in Christ, you go through the day remembering His goodness and overflowing love for you.

When I read my daily verses of encouragement, many times I get encouraged. By the stuff I write. It’s spirit-led if I can be inspired by my own writing HAHAHA.

Let my writings point you to Christ and build you up. 😌