Stability

I am still praying for the 120% restoration of both of my friendships.

That being said, my soul has finally found rest in the Lord, who gave me His rest. Last week, the Lord did a mystery in my heart that liberated me from the emotional baggage from my unrestored friendships, and He has since been leading me in the abundant joy of the Lord.

I look back at the past 9.5 months and concluded that 2017 was far more grievous than joyful, and yet because of God’s work on Sunday, I find faith to declare an awesome 10 weeks left of 2017, that the joy from these weeks will be more than enough to make up for the grief I went through in the first 9.5 months.

Purely by the grace of God, I am enjoying abundant joy that is independent of circumstances but solely dependent on the grace of God. The past week has been nothing short of a blessing.

May these coming weeks, whatever is left of 2017, and every day that follows this year, be abundantly joyful in the Lord, even as I seek Him for the theme of 2018.

—Joel Kindiak, 22 Oct 17, 0937H

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Trust

I’ve rambled a lot about trust, but I’ll say that I think I have a better idea what I mean when I say that.

I trust a person not by sharing my problems. I can use pseudonyms and still tell the story to update the other party sufficiently. It’s even possible for them to know without me telling them. Trust isn’t about the content of my message.

Trust is about the confidence in a person to be intentional and available. The reason I ramble on so much about this is because, truth be told, these two twin values are growing increasingly rare. I’m not even talking about meetups, but more importantly the genuine desire and commitment to have them. These values are just that—values—and aren’t activity-specific.

When I trust a person, I trust that they are intentional and available to aid me in my time of need. By this definition I don’t trust anybody but Jesus.

I believe this needs to change and hopefully but probably not anytime soon.

—Joel Kindiak, 19 Oct 17, 0758H

Holding My Peace

About a month ago, I fell out with my close friend for the nth time. Over a miscommunication over a phone call. That began a month of hell full of pain, of worry, of anxiety and even depression.

Like a kid throwing tantrum with his father, I threw a huge fit with my Father in heaven. He eventually reminded me that this was what discipline felt like: awful yet for my good. Eventually God and I reconciled but trusting Him was still risky and I couldn’t stop worrying.

Last Friday, I was led to have a personal bible study on Isaiah 40, the chapter with the famous “soar on wings” portion. Reading the passage in whole gives strong reason to do so. This impossible situation I’m in is compared to God a drop in a bucket. Like fine dust on scales. He treats them as nothing and less than nothing. His Word of restoration endures forever.

On Saturday, I also downloaded Matt Redman’s ‘Gracefully Broken’, about how God breaks me by His grace, so that I can bear even more fruit to come. I also watched a sermon by John MacArthur on receiving God’s grace as my strength in weakness, as described in 2 Corinthians 12:9.

This brings me to yesterday. I went cycling with Shun and shared about this to him too, him keeping me in prayer in this area. I remembered re-learning about the theme of 2017, the year of abundant joy, and the key to experience it was to seek G

At around 7.30 pm, after deciding to not be a coward and restore my Whatsapp visibility, for no rhyme or reason, I suddenly felt okay. I suddenly felt unspeakable peace. I suddenly thought that God really will restore me in this area. And while the learnings above are probably there to support me in the days ahead, I cannot conclude that those were the reason for the peace I experience. It really surpassed all understanding.

Today, I have that peace too, and somehow am not worried even though things are not completely okay yet. And yet, before any of that happens, I want to hold my peace. I want joy from the Lord alone. I want to enjoy His Isaiah 40 strength and be kept that way by His Psalm 91 protection. I choose to hold my peace in the Lord.

Those whose hope is in the Lord will never be put to shame. May that be true in my life and in the glorious restoration of my friendship to come.

-Joel Kindiak, 16 Oct 17, 1827H

 

 

Isaiah 40 Strength

“But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” [‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬]

Today, if you feel weak or dejected by anything, I’d like to encourage you to pray for God’s strength as described in Isaiah 40—strength to run and not grow tired, strength to face every new day, though your circumstances may have not yet been resolved. May we wait on God and receive Isaiah 40 strength, soaring with wings like eagles, running without weariness and walking without faintedness.

Faith in Myself

I nearly lost my faith in God, and I’m glad He didn’t let me go.

Yet my faith in people have sure been dashed.

But more than the people around me, I’m angry with myself the most.

For inevitably screwing up over and over and over again.

The human which I believe the least in is myself.

I’m convinced that if anything good comes out of Joel Kindiak, it’s only due a miracle.

My flesh is the most untrustworthy person of all people.

I’ve pretty much lost faith in myself.

And I can only rely on the grace of God.

To heal my heart and restore the shattered pieces.

To restore my view of myself.

-Joel Kindiak, 13 Oct 17, 1621H

The End of Grief

For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. [Psalm 30:5]

In the past 10 months, my year has been more depressing than joyful, despite it being called the Year of Abundant Joy. I’ve made reckless decisions that severed otherwise healthy friendships with some of the closest people in my life. I spent at least a good six months grieving over my mistakes, one after another, slipping into depression for a while, and finding no hope, whilst clinging to the Lord for dear help.

Today, the Holy Spirit spoke these words, “Your time of grieving ends today.” And I decided to trust Him at His Word. This grief ends today. No more condemnation. No more beating myself up. No more guilt-tripping myself for the mistakes I made. I’m going to place my joy in the Lord, not in the restoration that flows out from that joy in the Lord. My circumstance may have yet to be fully resolved, but the Lord gives me joy, not the restored situation. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning.