Social Update

So yesterday I just recreated my Instagram account. First followed those whom I do feel the closest to (when compared to the rest of the people I know), and taking it easy as I go along. Apart from my display picture I have officially zero photos to post because…I don’t (yet) have anything interesting to post. And that’s fine. Legit. I’m tired it using Instagram to try to impress people who, on a grander scheme of things, don’t care as one’s source of value.

What I do find interesting is checking out that my blog has new visitors, and mostly redirected from my Instagram account. This tells me two things: people actually stalk me (aww, I’m flattered) and people actually took time to at the very least glance at what I have to offer. They better look at the ones I have in the first half of 2016, since the rest have been marred by tragedy after tragedy. But yeah it’s interesting to know that people do at the very least check out what (little) I have to offer while they’re bored.

I thought that was interesting. 😛 And I got another story to tell, but I can only talk about it at the right time, so hold your horses! This happened in 2016, so it was still what I call the good-ol-days. :>

—Joel Kindiak, 13 Dec 17, 0715H

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Reviving Instagram

I have the thought of doing so, but I want to do it only once I’m over the fomo and the insecurities that creep up in my heart with respect to social media.

I think it’ll be nice to catch up with long-lost friends and reconnect with loved ones, but at the same time my social media track record has been quite dismal. Deleting photos that do not get enough likes, and getting overly reliant on them, and the worst: comparing my life with others.

If I do get Instagram, I only want to get it when I’m busy with other things, like bible studies or Math videos (yes, the latter is something I’m considering to do which is going to be quite interesting once I have the relevant resources). I want to use Instagram primarily as a means to catch up with people, not as a means to impress people who, for the large part, don’t care of how perfect my life appears to be.

Or rather, maybe that’s my cynicism. Meh.

But yes, I am considering reviving my Instagram account and giving it a fresh overhaul. Theme will probably still be people-based, but the frequency will definitely be a lot less and reserved for special moments. And not every day is a special moment, by definition, so I don’t want a quantity of photos on my social media, especially the private ones meant for I, me and myself alone.

My friend Ting Wei is an excellent example of this. He uses social media for the purposes that I mentioned, and is busy with pursuing Jesus in his own life. I want that social media-spiritual life balance for myself, so that I can use Instagram to be a blessing and continue drawing joy from the one Source who can satisfy me completely.

@joelkindiak will be back up very, very soon. Probably will create it just to not let anyone else use it (though I doubt anyone would anyway).

-Joel Kindiak, 8 Dec 17, 0734H

Sleep

I’ve been sleeping a lot in recent days.

I guess for a long time I felt guilty for sleeping early, for not maximizing my day meeting people and stuff.

But in recent days I do realise the preciousness of having sufficient sleep…it energized me for the next day, even if I might have missed out an engaging group conversation at 10.30 pm. I guess that’s important, but not important enough to warrant me disrupting my already 30-minute-in sleep LOL.

Sleep is nice. Not too much though. But definitely much more than the last month. What makes me think sleep isn’t maximizing my time?

It’s all about balance I guess. I’m glad I’m obsessing over my phone a lot less now…

—Joel Kindiak, 24 Oct 17, 0759H

Why I Fear Making Close Friends and Why That’s Bullshit

So basically, in light of the shit that happened this past week, I have this thought that perhaps to save myself from the hurt of losing close friends, it’s better to not have them at all, not to forget also the age old issue of “If God wants to restore this completely, why isn’t He doing so?”

And right off the back this is obviously bullshit for a multitude of reasons. I’ll list three that came to mind:

  1. God’s desire is that I have close friends, for He will use them to point me to Him and use me to point them to Him. Also He loves to restore, and restoring is His specialty. By questioning Him i’m questioning His loving nature.
  2. It’s an incredibly self-centered thought. It’s not about how I can edify others, but how I can avoid the hurt. Furthermore, its cowardly. Even if I do fear losing close friends, I should tackle them head on, not cowardly back out cos i fear hurt.
  3. It’s incredibly pitiful. Anyone who even reads a bit of the Bible knows that it’s never good to be lonely. and it’s an insult to the people who do choose to tank my shit. it’s almost like saying them tanking my shit wasn’t worth any.

Which is why I need your prayers to overcome these thoughts and I need unmerited favor to love people even if I know I won’t benefit from it. My purpose isn’t to feel good but to edify others, and yet sometimes I can’t help but want to indulge in myself.

Please pray for me in a breakthrough in my friendships. It’s been a painful journey for a long time, and no more people should nor need to be hurt by me because of it.

–Joel Kindiak, 26 Sept 17, 2234H

Turn Back the Clock

Back to when we played chess every day after school.

Back to when we prepared our dance item for Christmas and Easter and Easter again.

Back to when we had popcorn prayer for 45 minutes straight and free worship, 1.5h.

Back to when every time after our usher duties were over we’d sit at the round blue tables to joke and talk and have a good time.

Back to when Downtown East haven’t yet renovated.

Back to when texting her was an every day activity, blessing each other with encouragements every morning.

Back to when Project Logos worked out for a while.

Back to when I had a whale of a time doing work and helping my schoolmates with their work.

Back to when I’d help out at SFC every week, post-graduation.

Back to when we walk home every week fellowshipping without fail.

Back to when we biked in the rain.

Back to when we went to watch the Christmas Wonderland lights.

Back to when we studied overnight.

“These people raised me and I can’t wait to go home.” —Ed Sheeran

8 Digits

All but a blur.

Phone numbers that receive my daily verses but have otherwise no bearing on my life.

Phone numbers of Whatsapp groupmates that have otherwise no bearing on my life.

Phone numbers of precious people in time past who now have practically no bearing on my life.

8 digits. Nothing more.