Yesterday I got really bitter over my then-close friend. By blue-ticking me, she gave me the impression that she didn’t care about our friendship. I’m 99% sure it’s miscommunication, but I’ll be a liar to say that I was unaffected.
Heck, I even entertained the thought that, “I wish I never knew her”. The hurt got to the point I wanted to sever ties again.
But I was wrestling between hardening my heart and letting God take over. And my impulse was to harden my heart and cut her out once again. That way, at least I won’t feel pain. I can be numbed to the suffering that I’ve endured the past 11 months.
A few thoughts did come to mind though. The first would be the blog post on how every important decision comes with a risk, and it’s not whether there is a risk, but is the risk worth it that should motivate my final decision. In this struggle the risk is pain, but I ought to go through said pain.
As I read Ps Prince’s ‘Live the Let Go Life’, he mentioned how Joshua and Caleb were eager to possess the land full of giants, a picture of risks that come attached to worthwhile decisions. Caleb treated the potential pain as simply ‘bread’. And he trusted God to give them the victory.
I also stumbled on a blogpost that reminded me that she cannot repay me. If my happiness is based on her fully compensating me for all the hurt she has done, I will never be happy. I was, however, reminded that, yes, she owed me a debt, but yes also, that Christ paid her debt to me on her behalf. The debt is paid. I can now justifiably freely forgive her, because Christ paid for her what she owed me. I had a just reason to let her off the hook. And release myself from the prison of bitterness.
Later on in the day, I prayed to God. I told Him that I did not want to hold on to any more bitterness and anger and pain and resentment toward my then-close friend. I was adamant to get rid of said negative emotions by the end of the day, before they creep in to destroy my 2018 as they did 2017. And by God’s grace, I felt way better nearing the end of the day. The bitterness for that day melted away.
To conclude, however, the Lord reminded me to do what I did in 2013: place my friendships into His hands once again. That was one factor that contributed to 2013’s success. Knowing that God is all love and will give me what is best really helped me entrust these friendships without fear. I’m thankful for my bible study groups and place them in His hands. I’m praying for my friendship with me then-close friend and entrust this friendship into His hands. I entrust my interactions with colleagues, university friends and just about anyone into His hands. Even for the blue-tick, well, I entrust that into God’s hands too.
And I will see the salvation of the Lord, and Him glorified in the area of friendships in my life. And I will see 120% restoration in every area of my life, not by my effort, but by God’s favor, and to His glory for Him doing all the work.
My life is in His hands, for no one’s hands are better than His’.
—Joel Kindiak, 5 Jun 18, 0801H