Just a status update on my failed friendship in 2017: we have forgiven each other completely and we just bumped into each other last Friday. There was no tense relation and things were alright between us. The bitterness has dissolved completely, and so what I write later on is not out of evil intentions, but a genuine expression of my recent thoughts.
So whilst there is complete forgiveness, I cannot say there is complete reconciliation. Partial? Possible. I mean the fact that we aren’t bitter with each other (to my knowledge) is evidence of some reconciliation. However, complete reconciliation means sharing the close bond we had in 2017, and that is missing. And from time to time, the devil knocks me on the head with FOMO of that. Today was one such day, and today’s battle was very victorious.
The first response was to bless her. When I receive evil thoughts of her, I told God, ‘Lord, bless her in every way and help her grow close to her friends even more.’ That helped relieve the situation. Then later on in the day, the thought came again, on how I lost a precious trio-friendship with her and our mutual friend. I tried to ‘not think of it’, but couldn’t think away the thoughts.
This was when I prayed a non-verbal prayer to God to help me. The question then came: “Why shouldn’t you think about it?” The initial response of ‘So that I will stop feeling this way’ doesn’t cut it, since it doesn’t get to the root of the problem. Thinking negatively of her only makes it worse for me.
Then the revelation came. Why do I worry? Because I want to try to solve the problem. Therefore if I don’t worry, I let God solve the problem, and He can do it much better than me. That’s not the revelation. Throughout my thoughts, I tend to over-think and realise that full reconciliation is a lot hairier and more complicated than I thought. That’s a problem.
The revelation: She’s God’s problem. Not mine.
What does that mean? It means all that I talked about God solving it better than I, but it also means this: I do not need to figure it all out. All the ‘Why’s and ‘What if’s are not meant to be answered alone. They are meant to be wrestled with alongside the problem. Which means if I relinquish my problems to God, He handles the complications associated with these problems, and much better than I ever will.
And this is the reason why I can “do not worry”: because when God ‘worries’ over the problem, He handles it much better than I can. Not worrying thus is not a sign of irresponsibility, but a sign of responsibility, since the most responsible thing I can do is to let God do it all, much better than any plan I can conceive.
Therefore, this problem is God’s, not mine. Whenever I get bombarded with negative thoughts about my friend, I remember: She’s God’s problem, not mine. I rest, God works. So that when God reconciles us completely, He alone gets all the glory and praise. I just follow Him.She’s His problem, not mine.
She’s His problem, not mine.
I’m just gonna keep enjoying the manifold blessings that arise from a Year of His Glory.
—Joel Kindiak, 18 Apr 18, 2018H (How coincidental!)