About a month ago, I fell out with my close friend for the nth time. Over a miscommunication over a phone call. That began a month of hell full of pain, of worry, of anxiety and even depression.
Like a kid throwing tantrum with his father, I threw a huge fit with my Father in heaven. He eventually reminded me that this was what discipline felt like: awful yet for my good. Eventually God and I reconciled but trusting Him was still risky and I couldn’t stop worrying.
Last Friday, I was led to have a personal bible study on Isaiah 40, the chapter with the famous “soar on wings” portion. Reading the passage in whole gives strong reason to do so. This impossible situation I’m in is compared to God a drop in a bucket. Like fine dust on scales. He treats them as nothing and less than nothing. His Word of restoration endures forever.
On Saturday, I also downloaded Matt Redman’s ‘Gracefully Broken’, about how God breaks me by His grace, so that I can bear even more fruit to come. I also watched a sermon by John MacArthur on receiving God’s grace as my strength in weakness, as described in 2 Corinthians 12:9.
This brings me to yesterday. I went cycling with Shun and shared about this to him too, him keeping me in prayer in this area. I remembered re-learning about the theme of 2017, the year of abundant joy, and the key to experience it was to seek G
At around 7.30 pm, after deciding to not be a coward and restore my Whatsapp visibility, for no rhyme or reason, I suddenly felt okay. I suddenly felt unspeakable peace. I suddenly thought that God really will restore me in this area. And while the learnings above are probably there to support me in the days ahead, I cannot conclude that those were the reason for the peace I experience. It really surpassed all understanding.
Today, I have that peace too, and somehow am not worried even though things are not completely okay yet. And yet, before any of that happens, I want to hold my peace. I want joy from the Lord alone. I want to enjoy His Isaiah 40 strength and be kept that way by His Psalm 91 protection. I choose to hold my peace in the Lord.
Those whose hope is in the Lord will never be put to shame. May that be true in my life and in the glorious restoration of my friendship to come.
-Joel Kindiak, 16 Oct 17, 1827H