We’re into the second half of 2017, and I think it would be good to give an update of my life now.
2017 began a tragedy. I got into a huge misunderstanding with one of my then closest friends which led to 2 months of cold war before a request for Math tuition. That lasted for three sessions in April and was followed by discontinuation. Perhaps I wasn’t good enough or my teaching style wasn’t her learning style. In any case, the tuition stopped and for all intents and purposes we have not met for a long time. I was, probably without her knowledge, devastated through and through.
During this time, two friends of mine consistently came to my support. We met every week at Suntec to do work and to encourage one another every time. They felt like God’s restoration for me: what I’ve lost in terms of close friendship has been restored by two friends even closer than before. And yet, there is a deeper heart issue that has yet to be solved.
For the weeks leading up to 16 June 2017, I was struggling with the joint concept of friendship and trust. It was a problem, and I needed to solve it. On that day, I stumbled upon this blog that basically described my current condition of placing my identity and security in friendships. That was a wake-up slap left, right and center. It was a wake-up call not to idolise friendships, but to let them remind me of Christ.
This was a breakthrough moment in my emotional life. Through it, God showed me that I don’t need to place my worth and security in friends as only He alone is worthy and the most secure person to place my identity and security in. This also means that I can hold friendships with a looser hand, to be more open to growing close to pagans (while not being influenced by their lifestyle, of course) and thus open up the Gospel without treating them as conversion projects. I don’t need to force friendships to be close: they are close if they are and they aren’t close if they aren’t, but I don’t need to force them to be. Best of all, I can jio people out without being affected by their declination, and I can for the first time really say that it is well with my soul.
Restored identity and security => restored peace and sanity.
The current struggle is my eczema outbreak on parts of my face and on my hands. My parents asked me to stop using the prescribed medication and to use their other remedies, many of which I do not trust due to their track record of failed remedies. If God could lead me out of my emotional turmoil, I trust He will led me out of my physical one as well.
That’s my update on the Year of Abundant Joy thus far, and it’s finally starting to shape up in its entirety.
-Joel Kindiak, 3 July 2017