“For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!” [2 Timothy 3:2-5]
Last week, the Lord prompted in my heart, “notice what is the first of the sins,” pretty much confirming all that I shared about self-centeredness as the root of all evils. Loving myself here does not mean thanking God for who I am, but rather looking at myself so highly that I don’t need God. And in reality, we all fall into this sin every once in a while with our lives. Is there grace for forgiveness and restoration? A million times, yes! Yet, God designed in such a way that it’s healthy for us to confess our sins to quicken restoration, and in light of that, I’d like to share three ways this has been apparent in my life.
- Jealousy. One reason I quit Instagram is to not feed myself triggers of people’s adventures. Yet, it struck me that I’m the only one among my closer group of friends who isn’t travelling overseas this year. It kinda dawned upon me that life stank, especially since even my free time was not used productively in catching up with people.
- Self-pity. This is a result of (1) but yeah in response I kind of started to wallow in self-pity, in questioning the meaning of my life and how compared to others it isn’t even a life.
- Emotional attachment. Also, my happiness was greatly dependent on whether I spent the weekend with my friends or not. If I did, I’ll be happy, if not, then I’ll be sad. My joy didn’t come from God, and therefore would be easily taken away if I don’t get what I want.
These were some thoughts the Lord brought to my attention last night as I prayed. In response I repented (changed my mind) on these issues. What makes me think that just because I remain in SG that it has to be fruitless? What makes me think that just because my life revolves about God, Math and Music, it means that I must be a boring prick? What makes me think life is meaningless without endlessly busy meetups?
There are people living lives that describe what I share but are either fulfilling or not. They are fulfilling when Christ is the centre of their lives and not when their reasons correspond with those in my struggles.
I guess for today I’d like you, dear reader, to know that in light of my arguments and my stands on many issues, I’m an imperfect human who messes up from time to time, and these are things I struggle at and will appreciate your prayers in.