This year is undoubtedly the Year of New Beginnings. I’ve seen new beginnings in my vocation, friendships, life-group, revelations and many more. It’s amazing that by God’s grace, in spite of the momentary dips from time to time, every year truly only gets better.
Since J1, as I noticed many schoolmates turn into sweethearts, I started vying for my own. I had a person in mind, but let’s just say that things didn’t go as planned and we’re on different life routes now. Granted, we could still meet up and trust me, it would be an awesome time catching up with her, but the reality is that we have both moved on from our little friendationship. In J2, I had thoughts, but refrained for a simple reason: how can I take care of her if I can’t even take care of my health (my eczema was severe then)?
Now, as a J3, I continue to think about this issue. I may be 19, but I think it’s still really important to consider this issue. One concern I had was being unable to find a partner in my Math course (for more-obvious-than-not reasons). Other concerns include me being a romance idiot and being relatively boring when compared to many other guys. I asked God on this issue a lot. When people say that they are ready to date, what does that mean? After quite a while, God revealed to me the answer and that I’m ready to find my spouse.
From the people I’ve interacted with, I didn’t get any useful information. “You know you’re ready when you know.” That isn’t very helpful. So I asked God on this issue. I’ve been convicted in being “the one” instead of wandering and looking for “the one”. That includes the way I look at the people around me. My perspective used to be about how much fun I can have spending time with the girl and how much fun she can have spending time with me, which is in fact the idea that society at large promotes. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, let’s get together and be alright!
The truth of the matter is, that’s not all to it for relationships. We think relationships are about a boy and a girl or a man and a woman, and forget how they are a part of the boy’s and girl’s communities around them: families, friends and peers. When two people get together, it’s a team effort to make it last. How long can two people bear the burden while hiding it from their families and friends?
Furthermore, getting past that barrier, if the relationship is about each other, how long can it last? When God is out of the picture, I don’t think it can for very long. This leads me to my revelation moment in this area of my life.
When I think of my future wife and am not reminded of how I can gain from it, but how I can point her to Christ and to build her up.
Case in point: the book of Ruth. The romance between Boaz and Ruth wasn’t just about the two of them but about how they can give God honour and glory with their lives. They placed Jesus in the centre of their lives and their relationship. The way Boaz courted Ruth was never in a self-seeking way, but always looking out to build her up. Even in marriage, we can never forget to build each other up and to point each other to Christ. This is the will of God in everything we do.
As I read of this and meditated on these truths, the Lord told me that I’m ready to find my wife and my only girlfriend. I’ve told this to a few of my close friends, and the consistent advice which I’ve received and will take is: there’s no rush or hurry. I’ll take that advice with an Amen and enjoy my singlehood while it lasts!
Turns out, this year is a new beginning for my love life, even though I have yet to have a girlfriend. At the very least, it’s a new beginning in my perspective on this issue, so that dating and romance is no longer about self but about Christ. It’s about building “the one” up and pointing her to Christ. It’s about loving via God’s way, not society’s way.
I might need to clarify/detail/elaborate my views in blogposts to come, so you can look forward to that.
-Joel Kindiak, 19 Sept 2016, 1242 hrs