For the last two days, I went to Momentum 2016. Let’s just say that I did not go with the godliest of intentions. I merely wanted to spend time with my friends hearing my a speaker I greatly respect. My concern really was not about God per se, but about expressing His love via company.
The irony of it all was that yesterday I sat alone. My friends were sitting elsewhere inconvenient for me to go seeking, and Dr. Ravi Zacharias left after giving his address in the morning. Thus, I was alone. And yet, I knew that God was speaking to me. In that aloneness in the presence of God, I reflected. I reflected about the spirit in which I treated my lady friends. I treated them with dignity and respect, but this one girl who shall remain unnamed caught my attention. I developed feelings for her. Yet, having gone through Momentum and reflecting, I learnt a few things.
Maturity is key when entering a romantic relationship. Couples entranced by lovey-dovey feelings won’t make it past a year or two, and for the rare ones that do, fewer last until marriage. Thus, I knew that before I told any girl that I would have an interest in that I wanted to be her spouse, I wanted myself to mature. Commonly, people find the right one but do not want to be the right one, and I make it a priority that for myself, I mature before making this risk. What then is the mark of maturity?
I used to think that it was the point when I could give it all for her. When I am able to give up all of my self-interests to take care of her. Noble yet foolish, since there will come a time when I, logically, would not be able to give any more. The Lord then reminded me that a relationship that lasts is a Christ-centered one, and I discovered the mark of maturity: when the very act of thinking of her turns me to Christ. She may be a dedicated Christian, but if I’m immature I won’t see Christ in her. Yet, the Christ-centered relationship is what it says: when spouses work together to point one another to Christ, to know Christ and to make Christ known.
Thus, my focus is on knowing Christ and making Him known. My wife needs at the very least to do that too. Even if she does, will she turn me away from Christ or to Him? This is the mark of maturity, and until I get there, or at least turn 21, it remains wiser to sit and wait. Seek Him first, and all these things will be added to me.
To conclude, after I left Suntec Convention Centre and walked along Raffles City under-pass to the train station, I told God, “Lord, I have feelings for (insert name). I give them up to You, knowing that You have the best plan for me. Until I have matured, I want You to be the centre of my life and not her. I pray, however, that I will continue to be a blessing to her as a brother would to his sister. Amen.” Since then, I can with intellectual honesty say that I don’t have feelings for her aside from godly brotherly love.
Joel Kindiak, May 3, 2016